Z7.5 - All The King's Horses
by ZachsMind
Summary: Xander has a day at the office. Willow takes the day off. Giles tries to call long distance. Faith makes a deal with a demon.


All The King's Horses, a Buffy fanfic told in a Teaser & four acts. By Zach Garland  
  
[As of June 10th, 2002 the fan fiction I've posted to fanfiction.net should be read in the following order:  
  
"House of Mirrors" midseason six, somewhere between "Tabula Rasa" and "Hell's Bells." "You Slay Me" faux season 7 episode 1 (relatively soon after real season 6 episode 22 "Grave") "As You Know It" faux season 7 episode 2 "Unrest" faux season 7 episode 3 (with shades of sequel to real season 4 episode 22 "Restless") "Kulmari" faux season 7 episode 4 "All the King's Horses" faux season 7 episode 5  
  
This piece is rated PG but there's really nothing in it that couldn't be pulled off in prime time tv. This is a rough draft. If you have any questions or comments feel free to write to zachsmind@yahoo.com. The basic gist of the plot is that the after effects of fighting the Kulmari and being subjected to Tara's spectral refuse leave the Scoobies confused.]  
  
TEASER  
  
Scene: Buffy's house. Early morning. The scenery and lighting should be light and happy, contradicting the actions of the characters described below. We should at least have the illusion that all the following is one long shot. No cuts. As we hear music that's like Saliva's "Click Click Boom" playing over the video, we start with a close up of what appears to be the bullet hole in the side of the house. The one Warren made back in "Seeing Red" which went into the bedroom and killed Tara. It still hasn't been fixed. Camera pulls out fast to reveal a nice overhead shot of the backyard, which is empty of people. We hover over that for a few seconds. Fast zoom in towards and through the closed back door. Camera hovers in the kitchen. All the curtains are drawn. Spike's in his black leather jacket. He's holding a coffee mug filled with blood. He looks like he's either waking up or fighting sleep. No one else is in there with him. Camera travel cams to the back room. The one where Buffy threw up in the episode "The Body." Dawn is standing there alone in her pajamas. She's holding her hands in front of her, concentrating. Looking at them. It's as if she's trying to force something to happen that's beyond the laws of physics. Dried tears are streaked down her cheeks. Camera does a U-turn around her and we get a 360 degree look at her standing there with her arms outstretched but she doesn't move and nothing happens. The camera speeds from backroom to living room. It erratically reveals the following as the camera works its way through the room. Giles is unconscious sitting up on the couch. An old book is resting on his chest. His right arm is on the armrest, and his glasses precariously hang from his fingers. Anya is also sleeping on the couch next to him. Clem is awake and staring at the tv, which is just showing snow. The camera makes its way to the foyer and hovers by the door, which opens quickly revealing Xander. He's dressed as if he's about to head for a construction site. He's holding a hard hat in one hand. Camera looks down at the floor, then it turns to face the stairwell. Speeds up again as it takes the stairs. Camera slows briefly at the top of the stairs to take in the hallway. It speeds up again and then slows at Buffy's room. We see her standing there in a new set of clothes from last night. She's staring motionless in the mirror, as if she doesn't recognize whom she sees. Camera then backs away and into Willow/Tara's room. It slowly reveals the two of them in bed together. End of the one long shot (or illusion of same). We still hear the raucous music playing.  
  
Cut to show headrest of bed with Willow on left side of screen and Tara on right. They're both in bed and the covers are over them. Tara appears alive. She blinks herself awake. She looks over at Willow, and then wraps her arms around Willow lovingly. Willow smiles in her sleep but doesn't appear conscious. One of Tara's hands makes its way out of the covers and towards Willow's face. Tara's hand is covered with blood. Tara reacts horrified, but stops herself and looks down at Willow, whose eyes blink but remain closed.  
  
Tara moves away from Willow quickly and gets partly out of bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress, looking at her bloody hands. She turns back and rips the covers from Willow. Willow has Tara's shirt on (the one she was wearing when she was shot) and a blood wound similar to the one Tara sustained is visible on Willow's chest. Willow looks up at Tara with an innocent smile that indicates she's in no pain, but appears to be waking from some dreamy dream. The music unceremoniously stops when Willow speaks.  
  
WILLOW: (echo-effect) I don't feel like getting up today. Could you go for me? I promise I'll make it up to you.  
  
Willow goes back to sleep not awaiting a response. Camera follows Tara. The blood is no longer on her hands. She gets up bewildered and walks towards the mirror. She stands there before the mirror, and in the reflection we see Willow looking back at her with an equally bewildered look. The camera pans from reflection to show Tara in profile, her mouth agape as she stares in the mirror. Behind Tara, Buffy is now framed in the doorway. She rubs her eyes.  
  
BUFFY: Tara?  
  
TARA: Buffy? I -  
  
Tara looks back at the bed and sees that Willow is no longer there. Tara looks back at Buffy.  
  
Cut to show Buffy blinking her eyes, and peering as if she's trying to make out the shape in a 3D spectrograph.  
  
Cut to OTS shot with Buffy's back to us. We're seeing Buffy's perspective. We see Tara, who blurs or morphs and is replaced by Willow.  
  
WILLOW: (stammering) Wh-wh-wh-whe- Wh-who-wh-wh..?  
  
BUFFY: Oh my God...  
  
WOLF HOWLS. OPEN CREDITS.  
  
ACT I  
  
Scene: Buffy's Living room. Giles is waking up. He reaches for a phone. Anya is awake barely and staring blankly at the television. Clem is also staring blankly at the television and appears to have been awake for some time. We hear static coming from it. Giles looks over at Clem, rubs the bridge of his nose before he puts his glasses back on. He fumbles for his wallet and pulls out a phone card.  
  
GILES: Damn, what's the bloody number? (disregards the phone card and puts it away) I can't stand these things. ANYA: Clem?  
  
We see Clem blink out of his blank stare at the television.  
  
CLEM: Oh. You're awake. ANYA: Is there a reason why you're watching static? CLEM: Well I like to watch the patterns. ANYA: Patterns? CLEM: I'll uh, change it. GILES: (into phone) Yes operator I'd like to place a long distance phone call but I wish it to be charged not to this line but my home line. No no I'm not at home, why would I specify if-  
  
Xander enters from the front door, dressed as if he's on his way to a construction job. He's holding the yellow hard hat in his arm like a football.  
  
XANDER: Just came by on my way to work. Wanted to see if everyone's okay. GILES: (flippantly, not getting up to meet him) Hello Xander. (into phone) Yes as I said (beat. Frustrated) Of course I'll hold.  
  
When hearing Xander's voice, Anya perks up and stands up to meet & greet him. She looks excited, but then after about three steps towards him she suddenly remembers she's still mad at him so the excitement turns into a mildly dark frustrated sense of uncertainty. Their voices vary through the next exchange somewhere between forced whispers to almost waking everyone in the house.  
  
ANYA: Oh wait. I'm still mad at you. XANDER: Good morning to you too, Anya. ANYA: Will you keep your voice down? Some people are still trying to sleep!  
  
XANDER: You're not keeping your voice down. ANYA: Yes I am! XANDER: No you're not. Is Willow okay? ANYA: Willow Willow you're always worried about Willow. XANDER: Aren't you worried? ANYA: Well yes but what about us? XANDER: You walked out on our last conversation I thought you thought we were done. ANYA: You walked out on our last wedding! XANDER: Is Willow okay? ANYA: I had to go Xander as I told you it's my job. XANDER: So we were done. ANYA: We were interrupted. XANDER: We can't talk about this now. ANYA: No, we will talk about this now there's never a good enough time for you to talk about this now. You want back in my life but you don't want to marry me? What the hell does that make me? XANDER: When did I say I wanted back in your life? ANYA: Before we were interrupted. XANDER: I'm gonna run late for work, I only came by to see if everyone was alright after last night's craziness. ANYA: You came back to see me. XANDER: I didn't even know you were going to be here. GILES: (into phone) Yes yes I'd like to make a collect call as I said before to that other lass. ANYA: Of course I'd be here to care for Dawn and Willow and Buffy. You just left! XANDER: I left to get some sleep. ANYA: Where? GILES: (into phone) No no, I don't wish for it to be charged to this line. ANYA: Are you back in your parents' basement? XANDER: (crossing away from Anya and towards Giles) Where is none of your business. ANYA: You moved back in with your parents, didn't you? GILES: (into phone) I have a phone card but there's no directions regarding how to make the bloody thing work for overseas calls. ANYA: (to Xander) Don't turn your back on me! XANDER: (trying to ignore Anya) Giles, is everyone okay? GILES: (To Xander) I only just woke up but I'm sure- ANYA: We have to settle this! GILES: (to phone) Look can't you just assign it to my home number? XANDER: (spins back to face Anya) What do you want from me? ANYA: I wanted a husband then I wanted you dead now I-I just want you I-I- GILES: (to phone) No I'm not at home, my home is IN England, hence my dilemma. XANDER: (crosses back around to door) I wanted Anya the ex-demon who was just a sweet little girl but now you're a demon again. I.. (pointedly to Anya) Don't want that. ANYA: Fine! (turns her back on him and crosses her arms) Go to your job and sweat profusely while you pound on things with your muscles all rippling. I won't be there to lust after you.  
  
Xander stops at the door, his hand on the doorknob, holding his hard hat. It looks like he wants to say something. His head looks down at the ground.  
  
GILES: No I don't want to call my OWN home I'm HERE in the bloody states. Why can't you--? Look it's very simple I- ANYA: Just go! XANDER: I can't be late again. I gotta go. GILES: (exasperated) Yes I'll hold.  
  
He opens the door and exits. The door closes behind him but doesn't shut. Anya stands there and starts crying.  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: Cut to the backroom of Buffy's house. Dawn is standing there, wiping the tears from her eyes. Spike enters from kitchen with a mug. He leans against the doorframe.  
  
SPIKE: Did you hear that noise? DAWN: (sniffling) What noise? SPIKE: Anya and Xander arguing again. Wish I'd been here for their wedding. Perhaps I could have said something. DAWN: But you were there. SPIKE: I know. I mean.. (looks down at his feet briefly) My carcass was there but I wasn't driving.  
  
Spike puts the mug to his lips, finishing it off. He leaves it in the kitchen. He looks at Dawn, who appears to not know what to do with herself. He crosses over to the backroom window and quickly draws the blinds closed. He slightly burns one of his hands as he does it.  
  
DAWN: I can't shake it. What happened. What I became. SPIKE: Last night was trying, eh? For you. For Buffy and Willow. For all of us. DAWN: I remember doing it. I mean I remember being charged with.. (starts crying again) Shooting streaks of light at those monsters. Those things and. SPIKE: (he crosses to small table) Now now, there's still much we don't understand, little bit. DAWN: (breaking down) I'm really not real am I? I mean I've known but. SPIKE: (sets the mug on table) You're real, alright. DAWN: No I'm.. I'm nothing. I'm just a ball of light. SPIKE: (puts his hands on her shoulders) There there. DAWN: (rests her head into his chest) I'm nothing. I'm nothing. SPIKE: You're everything. Alright? To all of us. To your big sis. To me. You matter. DAWN: How can I matter? I'm not matter -I'm energy. SPIKE: You're matter now. DAWN: I wasn't last night! Somewhere inside of me still. I'm just a glowstick. SPIKE: (chuckles) There there now. DAWN: I'm just a lightbulb. I'm like a lightning bug but I can't even... I can't remember how I did it. SPIKE: (stroking her hair fatherly with a hand) Last night was just a fluke. DAWN: I'm a fluke? SPIKE: No no hush, girl. Shhh..  
  
Spike seems to almost rock her as they hold each other standing there. Dawn calms down.  
  
SPIKE: I remember it all. How you've always been and yet rather recently we only just learned you hadn't been, but what we remember is what matters. As long as I've known your sister, I've known you. You matter. You're real to me and to all of us. That's what matters. That's what's real. What we remember. DAWN: (still sniffling) You didn't used to do this. SPIKE: Do what? DAWN: I don't remember you ever. [Subtext: Hugging me] SPIKE: What? DAWN: .Nothing. You've changed. SPIKE: I think we've all changed, little bit. Hopefully for the better.  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: Back in the living room of Buffy's house. Anya is now leaning against the doorframe between the foyer and the living room. She's still sad but no longer crying. Clem's changing channels on the tv. Giles is now pacing with the phone to his ear.  
  
GILES: (into phone) Yes is this the Watcher's Council? ..Thank God, finally! I need to speak with Quentin Travers, please. CLEM: (out loud to self) Wow. Scooby Doo. Great! GILES: What do you mean he's on assignment? The man's older than Incan pottery. CLEM: What luck! Daphne & Velma are babelicious. GILES: How about Warrick? Is he available? (to Clem) Uh, could you turn down the volume a bit please people are trying to sleep. CLEM: Oh alright. (reaches over to the tv knobs) GILES: (to phone) Yes yes I'll hold.  
  
As Clem reaches over to the tv, he looks over and sees that Anya is still crying. He turns off the tv, and stands up.  
  
CLEM: Anya? (crosses over to her) What's wrong, cousin? ANYA: (crying) Nothing.. Oh everything. Oh I don't know. CLEM: Guy troubles? Want me to fix you some breakfast? Dawn showed me how to make pancakes with funny shapes. ANYA: No I..I need to.. I need to go to work. I need to work. CLEM: The Magic Box is still a shambles, cousin. ANYA: I need to.. to..  
  
Anya crumbles into tears and falls in his arms. He holds her like a compassionate cousin would. Camera switches to Giles, but shows Anya & Clem in the background. The voice on the phone should sound like David Bowie.  
  
GILES: (into phone) What do you mean he's not available either. Is anyone there? Get Warrick on the phone right now or I will have your- VOICE: (from phone) No one can help you Mister Giles. GILES: What? Warrick is that you? VOICE: Travers and I were just talking about you a fortnight ago.  
  
The camera cuts to Anya & Clem looking over at Giles as the following dialogue continues. They cannot hear Warrick's voice of course, but they respond surprisingly to Giles' sudden uncharacteristic change in voice and emotion.  
  
GILES: What malarkey have you been feeding Travers, you pillock! VOICE: Tut tut Giles old boy. No need for such language. GILES: What's this I hear about my losing- my being fired again?  
  
Cut to show Dawn & Spike entering the living room from the back. They've been listening in on Giles' end of the conversation and look curiously concerned.  
  
VOICE: My my dear old boy. Whoever gave you that idea? GILES: Don't you dear boy me you prattling wazzock! I have my sources. VOICE: Did a little bird tell you? Or perhaps an old crone? GILES: You know bloody well what I'm talking about.  
  
Cut back to Giles.  
  
VOICE: (laughs) My dear boy you're so far out of the loop I might as well be sending you smoke signals.  
  
Giles is left speechless at this.  
  
VOICE: I'll tell Travers you called, if it comes up during teatime. Goodbye Rupert. GILES: Wait! Warrick!  
  
The phone clicks. The line goes dead. Giles stares into space stunned. The camera lightly pans around keeping Giles in the frame but revealing that now Clem, Anya, Spike & Dawn are looking at him concernedly. Giles feels them looking at him but doesn't look back. He attempts to retain his composure and quietly returns the phone receiver to its home. Then he turns around and faces them.  
  
GILES: (dry sarcasm) Well. I think that went well. SPIKE: Troubles back home, old boy? GILES: (fires a look of death at Spike) Don't old boy me! SPIKE: (looks down) Sorry sir.  
  
Giles looks at Spike a beat, taken aback by Spike's un-retaliatory response.  
  
GILES: No no.. (bitterly) I should be the one that's sorry. I apologize. SPIKE: (still looking down) No I.. I was out of line. DAWN: Giles raising his voice. Spike being nice to Giles. I don't know if I can handle all this. ANYA: I have to go. GILES: But The Magic Box- ANYA: My other job. GILES: Oh. ANYA: I am still a vengeance demon. I'm being summoned. GILES: (dryly. Almost cruelly) Well then by all means.  
  
Anya huffs. She teleports away, with an emphatic gesture.  
  
CLEM: (points at the off tv) Anybody wanna watch Scooby Doo?  
  
Cut to the stairs as Buffy & Willow step down them and into the foyer. Both are fully dressed. Buffy is holding Willow's hand comfortingly. Willow is walking as if she's in a very uncomfortable outfit, but the clothes she's wearing look loose and comfortable.  
  
BUFFY: Giles if you're done yelling at people on the phone, I could really use your help to understand something.  
  
Giles blinks and crosses into the foyer. The others fall in behind him.  
  
GILES: Certainly. Did the two of you sleep well? Hello, Willow. It's good to see you're up and moving about. WILLOW: Well.. sorta.. BUFFY: Giles remember last night when I got primevally and Dawn got all energy-ee and Tara seemed to be in Willow's body? GILES: Oh well, perhaps? DAWN: Yes Buffy we remember. BUFFY: Well. Willow still hasn't come back. WILLOW: She asked me to c-c-c-cover for her? Today? She didn't want to wake up. DAWN: Tara? WILLOW: Yeah Dawnie. It's me. Tara. GILES: Oh dear. SPIKE: I guess this is a bad time to point out that I'm out of blood?  
  
Everyone looks at Spike.  
  
SPIKE: My stash. In the fridge. I'm out. BUFFY: Yes Spike, this is a bad time. SPIKE: (looks down at floor) Sorry. DAWN: (looks at Spike) You are different. SPIKE: (defensive) what because I'm not being all Spike-ish? I keep telling you he's gone! (grabs his blanket off the handrail of the stairs and wraps himself in it) Oh the hell with this! Clem I'm heading for the crypt. You coming? CLEM: (looks at Dawn. Shrugs) Okay. SPIKE: There any blood there? CLEM: (Clem opens the door as Spike readies himself.) I'll go get ya some from the meat market. SPIKE: (Spike rushes out into the sun) And Wheatabix? CLEM: (Clem follows after him quickly.) And Wheatabix. SPIKE: (O.C.) You're a true friend!  
  
Giles, Dawn & Buffy watch him go. Willow walks down the stairs towards Giles.  
  
BUFFY: (referring to Spike) I don't see anything different. DAWN: Oh believe me he's very different. WILLOW: (worriedly) What am I gonna do, Mister Giles? Will wouldn't wake up. GILES: What do you mean she wouldn't wake up? WILLOW: Well I woke up in her body from a d-d-dream in which she wanted to continue sleeping and now I'm st-st-stuck in her body. DAWN: Can't you wake her up? WILLOW: (shrugs) I don't know where she is. She was in the dream but I don't sense her now. Maybe if I went back to sleep? GILES: I believe this may be unprecedented. I can't recall any books or any way to research this. BUFFY: Besides we kinda trashed your books when we fought Willow at the Magic Box. GILES: Perhaps if I called the coven in Devon shire, they might know what we can do. I'll get right on that. BUFFY: Long distance again? GILES: Yes but- well, can you help me with this blasted phone card?  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: Construction site. Xander drives up in a company owned pickup truck. There's lumber in the back. He climbs out, puts on his hard hat, and heads towards the back to start unloading it. He motions to some people off camera as we follow him to the back and a couple fellow workers appear onscreen dutifully unloading the wood from the bed of the truck. A third guy walks up to him from a different direction and hands him a clipboard with a checklist and a pencil on it. Xander thanks the guy who pats him on the back and walks off camera. Xander takes the pencil and looks at the clipboard as he walks away from the truck and walks into the site. A female construction worker approaches him and walks along side him. This is Sandy. She's kinda butch but not unattractive, and should give the appearance at first glance that she belongs here. Xander's looking around the site and checking things off on the checklist. As they walk they're heading towards a mobile home trailer up on cinder blocks.  
  
XANDER: Hey Sandy how's it going? SANDY: Very good Mister Harris. We started on the third floor this morning.  
  
XANDER: Is Jack over at the police station? SANDY: Yeah he said not to worry, that they should be done over there by the end of the week. XANDER: Our manpower is still spread a little thin. SANDY: The guys don't seem to mind the overtime. XANDER: Well that's great then. SANDY: We're still ahead of schedule here and under budget. Everything's five by five. XANDER: (absently) That's just great.  
  
Beat. Xander looks away from clipboard and directly at Sandy for the first time. Sandy smiles back at him, completely oblivious of course to what the phrase means to Xander.  
  
XANDER: Five by five where'd that phrase come from? SANDY: I don't know sir. Been saying it all my life, I think. My father used to say it. XANDER: Oh. Well. (shakes it off) Yeah everything's five by five. SANDY: You okay sir? XANDER: Oh yeah! Uh, five by five! (looks back at checklist) Are we low on nails? SANDY: I can ask Barney. XANDER: Cement? SANDY: There's still enough to finish the third floor. Was looking at that just before you arrived. XANDER: (hands clipboard to Sandy) Great! Ask Barney about the nails, then check the box and get that to Jack when he gets back here. I'll be in the trailer going over this afternoon's itinerary. Think the gang might want pizza for lunch break? SANDY: Can't go wrong with pizza! XANDER: I'll make the call!  
  
Sandy waves as she walks away. Xander has now made it to the trailer. He opens the door and goes inside.  
  
Cut to inside. Xander stands alone and closes the door behind him. He looks around. He takes the hard hat off and exhales a sigh. He's mixed with feelings of a disturbing past with Faith and a bittersweet present.  
  
XANDER: Five by five. I'd forgotten.  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: Crossfade from Xander standing there looking about the staff office to one of dark shadows and what appears at first to be an off-white sheet. The camera pans up a woman who is dressed in an off-white gown and is strapped to a metallic plank that is propped up so that she's almost standing. As we slowly pan up her body, arms dressed in white lab coats appear, checking and double-checking the restraints. We see that her arms and legs are bound tightly with leather straps and chains. Several chains and leather straps wrap about her torso. We slowly make our way up to her face, which is surrounded in a helmet that looks like a small cage. The look on her face is one of amusement. This is Faith. She's seen better days.  
  
LAB TECH: (off camera) How are we doing today Faith? FAITH: Five by five!  
  
END SCENE. COMMERCIAL BREAK.  
  
ACT II  
  
Scene: Interior. Dark Chamber. We start with an overhead shot. Faith is strapped to a table in the center of the room, as described in the last scene. There's a long table with seven chairs on one far end. Faith has been positioned so that she's facing the table. Camera right of the table is a single door into the otherwise closed off room. No windows. No means of escape except that one door. There are two lab technicians who are still fussing over Faith, securing her restraints and pretending politely to be concerned for her well being. We should never get a good view of the faces of the lab technicians. They walk away from her towards the door. They open it and one of them motions to someone outside as they exit.  
  
Sitting at the table are seven men. They're all wearing similar dated tweed suits and have identical folders open on the table before them, probably turned to the same page. These are members of the Watcher's Council. The individual sitting at table center is Quentin Travers, The man to his left (camera right) is Warrick, who should look and sound as much like David Bowie as is feasibly possible. As the gentlemen walk into the room they look over at Faith with a disturbing kind of fear.  
  
Cut back to Faith. Through the cage-like helmet we can see her expression. She's smiling. It's quite unsettling. She appears to be more insane than she ever was before.  
  
FAITH: Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet. Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away. QUENTIN: Good morning, Faith. FAITH: Is it morning? It's so hard to tell these days.  
  
Cut to a view of the Watchers from Faith's perspective, with the camera hovering over her propped up table bed. All seven men have opened their folders to the same page. They sit at the table with their hands clasped and resting on the table. They stare evenly at Faith.  
  
QUENTIN: It appears our last batch of conditioning sessions didn't take. FAITH: Nope. I'm still me. QUENTIN: We never wished to strip you of your identity.  
  
Cut to shot of Faith.  
  
FAITH: That's probably where you failed, then. QUENTIN: (attempting to show no emotion) Perhaps so. FAITH: Y'know I was doing fine in the prison. I figured out which of the inmates was really in charge, saddled up with him, then I killed him and almost had even the Warden wrapped around my little finger before you came along. I coulda lived in there happily for the rest of my life. You had to break me out.  
  
Cut to shot of Quentin. Warrick is visible to camera right of him, and a nameless Watcher to the left.  
  
QUENTIN: I assure you Faith we followed proper procedures to have you released into our care. There was no breaking out of anyone. FAITH: You plan to kill me. QUENTIN: Yes. FAITH: So why don't you just do it and get it over with? Why turn my brain into applesauce first? QUENTIN: We're not here to answer your questions, Faith. You are here to answer ours.  
  
Cut to shot of Faith. A slow 90 degree pan from down left to up right.  
  
FAITH: We've done this before. The first time I didn't give you the answers you wanted. So you put me through the tests. Then I gave you the answers I thought you wanted to hear. Then came the 'conditioning' again. Didn't take. I'm still here. Then I just gave you whatever answers popped into my little head. I think one time I let the voices in my head answer your questions for me. I'm tired of answering your questions. Nothing I say matters. You still won't let me out so I can do what I was born to do.  
  
Cut to bust shot of Quentin. It is as if we are a bug on the table in front of him.  
  
QUENTIN: And what is that, Faith? FAITH: Kill everyone who gets in my way. QUENTIN: Don't you mean slay vampires and demons?  
  
Cut back to Faith.  
  
FAITH: Been there done that bought the T-shirt. That's your trip. Not mine. Y'know in my experience some Vamps & Deems are better company than bastards like you. Maybe being human is overrated. The mayor would kill people. Sometimes torture them a little first if he was in a really playful mood, or if they forgot to wipe their feet. You guys are more demonic. You've poked and prodded me. Probed me. Taken blood. Done tests. Strapped me down. What I love is that I'm held down so tight I can't move a muscle, and yet I can smell your fear from way over here. You're all scared of me. Aren't you Bradley?  
  
Cut to shot of the nameless Watcher nearest the door. This one's Bradley. He touches his shoulder absently as she speaks to him, and looks particularly uncomfortable being there.  
  
FAITH: Your arm looks better now. I believe I broke it in two places awhile back, didn't I? And wasn't I tied up something like this before I got loose and grabbed you? WARRICK: Enough!  
  
Faith playfully barks at Bradley and mocks a biting motion towards him with her head. All smiles. Bradley jumps. They're all skittish.  
  
Cut to Warrick and Quentin.  
  
WARRICK: Enough! Your intimidation tactics are quite tiresome, girl. FAITH: Ah, Warrick. I thought I smelled your foul cologne. Quentin is allowing you to speak when not spoken to, now? WARRICK: (To Quentin) Can we just get this over with? QUENTIN: (To Faith. Reading or referring to notes before him in the folder.) You have been incarcerated pending the decision of this tribunal. All attempts to rehabilitate you have failed. You have proven yourself to be unrepentant of your crimes against humanity. Despite all known procedures to curtail the primeval spirit within you, we've been unable to fashion you into a suitable slayer and defender of the cause against the evil of this world. This has only happened three times before since the Watcher's Council was founded to observe and train Slayers. FAITH: Fourth time's the charm, eh? WARRICK: SILENCE! QUENTIN: (very quiet, to Warrick) She's goading you. And you're letting her!  
  
Warrick looks down at the table in shame and frustration. Faith looks quite pleased with herself.  
  
FAITH: You kill me you get a new Slayer. Is that what this is about? Buffy doesn't play by your rules and I piss on your Goddamned rules. Can't kill Buffy to get another Slayer. She's already been dead. Two or three times. I've lost count. QUENTIN: (still reading from notes) The First Slayer became the primeval force that influences all Slayers, and the temptation to give into the more feral urges of a Slayer's true nature are overpowering. We blame ourselves. The failure is ours. FAITH: Oh come on, Q. If you wanna ask me out on a date just come out with it. QUENTIN: It is the formal decision of this court, with great dismay and reluctance- FAITH: Or how about a shag? Right there on the desk. The other boys can watch if they want. QUENTIN: It is the formal decision of this court to sentence you to death. FAITH: (still playful) By what authority? QUENTIN: Authority? FAITH: (not angry. No fear) You bastards act above the law, and I've seen you kill people who get in your way, human and inhuman alike! And yet you dare to sentence me to death for the very same crimes that you yourselves have committed! (laughs at the absurdity) You're all a bunch of pathetic little worms with pencils for -[Subtext: "pricks."] QUENTIN: (interrupting her) Faith you're making this more difficult. FAITH: You expect me to make this easy for you? This little charade of yours to warn me of my impending doom is supposed to somehow alleviate you of your guilt? Screw you. QUENTIN: The sentence will be carried out- FAITH: To put me under your spell? Oh yeah I know. Everything from hypnotism to white magic to bribery. You've done everything you could do to force me into submission. Sway me to your will, as if I have no right to have a will of my own. WARRICK: (red in the face) At last count you've killed twenty human beings, Faith. Twenty that we know of. How are we to allow this? How can we possibly in good conscience allow the carnage at your hand to continue? FAITH: Every single one of those bastards deserved to die and you know it. WARRICK: Why? Because they got in your way? FAITH: Isn't that how you operate? How are we to know that the vampires and demons we've killed deserved to die? Some vampires are actually nice people. Angel was nice. You gonna kill him if he gets in your way? How is what I've done any different from what you've done? The blood and lost souls that have turned your hands red? Put yourselves under the same microscope you've used on me. See how you fare. WARRICK: Enough!  
  
Warrick stands up.  
  
WARRICK: I've heard enough of her prattling. QUENTIN: Warrick, sit down! WARRICK: She's absolutely right, Travers. This proceeding is in order to alleviate us of the guilt of trying to restore Faith to normal society. Well I for one have completely alleviated my guilt. I need not another moment of her forked tongue.  
  
He vaults over the table and crosses until he's inches away from her face.  
  
WARRICK: I need not another moment of her robbing God's green Earth of precious oxygen to fill her lungs, or another drop of medication to weaken her strength. QUENTIN: Warrick get back here this instant! WARRICK: We shouldn't even give you a last meal because someone somewhere on this planet is starving and would put bread and water to better use than you can. You've been a walking corpse since before you aquired your Slayer powers! You have a heart colder than the darkest pits of Dante's Inferno. QUENTIN: You're playing into her hands! WARRICK: You wear the wings of Lucifer, trapped in a lake of ice holding the soul of Brutus in your wicked clutches! FAITH: (nonplussed. Amused) Oh come now, Warrick! Tell me how you really feel. WARRICK: I'd drive the blade into your heart and gut you like a fish myself if they would only let me! FAITH: You haven't the balls to kill me you son of a bitch! WARRICK: I'd kill you a thousand times over if it would bring back but one life that you've stolen from this Earth. FAITH: And I'd do the same to you! WARRICK: We don't answer to you, Missy! (Warrick spits in her face) The Council murders in the name of justice to insure the safety of the human race. You kill anything that stands in your way as if your life were some bleeding video game! FAITH: Warrick I could kiss you right now! In fact I think I will.  
  
In one swift motion Faith breaks free of all the restraints, but the helmet cage remains briefly on her head. She picks up Warrick and throws him across the room, over Quentin's head. The men closest to the door make a break for it. The men furthest from the door stand up and look at Warrick who appears unconscious. They look back at Faith, who looks pretty damn pissed off. They flee, leaving Warrick behind.  
  
Slow zoom up at Quentin. Quentin stands up in dismay and horror.  
  
QUENTIN: Holy mother of God.  
  
Cut to Faith who removes the cage helmet. The shackles and restraints fall to the ground around her. She spins around looking for another exit. She doesn't find one. Faith stares down Quentin.  
  
FAITH: Thought I was a weak little kitten, eh? Thought the medication took? I'm just a little stronger than you took me for, Q. If I'm going down, I'm going down fighting!  
  
Close up of Quentin.  
  
QUENTIN: Then a fight you shall have.  
  
From the door, seven black-clad covert ops specialists file in, each wielding taser wands, that amount to be glorified cattle prods. Quentin remains behind and stands solemly behind the table watching the fracas. The battle of twenty men with taser wands up against the mad slayer is incomprehensible. She disarms the first one quickly and uses the wand as a quarterstaff, a mace, and a taser as it suits her. The taser's charge is enough to take down a bull. One charge is enough to incapacitate any of the twenty coming after her, but each time one of them manages to strike her with it, all it does is piss her off more. She crushes bones and breaks necks with expert precision, rather than relishing in the kills as she once had before. She makes quick work of them, and when finished she stands in the center of the room with bleeding welts where they've punched, kicked or tased her, yet surrounded by twenty fallen black-clad opponents, she barely stands. She breathes heavy, her eyes lowered levelly at Quentin.  
  
FAITH: Didn't think I had it in me, didja? I've conditioned myself over the last several months to fight the pain. Fight the drugs. I've taken everything you've had to throw at me and I'm still swinging. You honestly think you can kill me? QUENTIN: We don't want to kill you, Faith. We need you. However, you're giving us no choice.  
  
Cut to show Warrick pulling himself up to his feet by leaning hard against the far wall. He's fumbling for some device in his breast pocket.  
  
FAITH: Because I refuse to play by your rules. Well, since your game is over, now we play my way.  
  
Camera then shows Faith stepping on and over the bodies that lay before her. She walks over to face Quentin over the table. Quentin simply stands there motionless, looking levelly back at her. She gets within striking distance and raises her weapon to bash his head open like a watermelon. .  
  
WARRICK: Abachabe Paliento!  
  
Suddenly Faith arches her back and drops the weapon. She stands there motionless. Her head falls back and her eyes roll back in her head. Though she remains standing her arms go limp and she appears to be hanging there like a marionette on a single string. She makes choking sounds as if she can't breathe, then a yellow surge of light shoots out of her eyes and mouth towards the ceiling. She screams.  
  
Then the light is gone. Quentin stands there staring at her. Warrick limps over to stand next to Quentin, and leans heavily on the table. Faith has reverted to a neutral mesmerized position, standing there before them as if she were a zombie. Quentin stares at Faith but his comments are directed to Warrick.  
  
QUENTIN: Use of dark magic is against the Council's charter, you know that Warrick. WARRICK: Being dead is against my charter. And yours, old friend. QUENTIN: Don't 'old friend' me. How long have you been a practitioner? WARRICK: All my life. It'll be our little secret. QUENTIN: What about witnesses? Cut to an overhead shot, where we see the devastation Faith has just laid down. Warrick and Quentin appear small on one side of the camera lens in comparison to the devastation before them.  
  
WARRICK: Faith killed the witnesses. QUENTIN: You know I have to report this.  
  
Cut to OTS shot of Faith, who remains zombie like and motionless. We're looking over her right shoulder. Quentin is not looking at Warrick, but at Faith. Warrick stands a bit behind and beside Quentin. We see Warrick's face over both Faith's right shoulder and Quentin's right shoulder.  
  
WARRICK: If you want to leave this room alive Travers, the Council won't hear about this.  
  
Quentin's eyes turn towards Warrick but his face remains where it is.  
  
QUENTIN: What do we do with her? WARRICK: She's now a clean slate, thanks to my little toy. What your boys couldn't do in six months I just did in six seconds. I think our conditioning techniques will take this time.  
  
Both men's eyes turn back to lock on the face of Faith.  
  
Camera cuts to show an ominous close-up of Faith from the shoulders up, but we're looking slightly up at her. Her face is glowing slightly, and her eyes are wide open but appear completely white, as her irises are rolled back in her head. Her lips parted slightly. The lights are on but nobody's home.  
  
WARRICK: You just keep the Council off my back, and I'll give you a Slayer who will serve tea & crumpets for you. QUENTIN: What of The Project? WARRICK: She will beg you to kill her and bring her back to life at your whim.  
  
END SCENE. COMMERCIAL BREAK.  
  
ACT III  
  
Scene: Willow's room. Giles stands before a mirror above the bureau. He appears to be stark naked. Of course we never see anything beneath the torso, so he may still have his pants on. There are painted markings on his chest, by some crude red paint like substance. Perhaps an adornment of some kind for the magic spell. The bureau has been cleaned off and now set there are candles, incense and other magick items. Also a phone. Giles stands rather solemnly before the mirror, with the phone to one ear. Buffy and Will(Tara) stand motionless behind him, near the door.  
  
GILES: Yes. Everything is set. .I understand.  
  
Giles removes the phone from his ear and rests it in its cradle on the bureau. He then removes the phone from the bureau to some place off camera. He places both hands on the bureau, again very solemnly.  
  
BUFFY: (beat) Well this should be cheaper than using the phone card. WILLOW: Will-Will-W-W-Is this gonna work? GILES: The crone said if this is the mirror from which you saw Willow in your dream, Tara, the coven should be able to deduce where Willow's spirit is by contacting me from their mirror. BUFFY: Wouldn't it work better if Willow were on the receiving end of the call? GILES: (impatient) It's not a call, Buffy. The metaphor of phone to the use of this spell is ..primitive at best. BUFFY: (shrugs) They're making an overseas phone call using mirrors. I don't see what's so primitive about that. GILES: I mean the comparison you use is primitive. In answer to your question, Tara standing before the receiving end of this spell would actually throw off the results. Someone who was not there at the time of Willow's discorporeality must pose as a conduit for the caster of the spell. BUFFY: The caster of the spell being the Crone in Devon? GILES: Yes. This is very delicate. There is a reason why this is not done every day. WILLOW: (intuitive. This is definitely Tara speaking now) You feel deeply honored to be asked to participate in this don't you sir? BUFFY: (amused) Got a thing for the Old Crone, eh Giles? I knew it. GILES: (almost a whisper) Please Buffy. Not now. BUFFY: Anything you're supposed to do? Recite love poems in Sumerian or something?  
  
Giles is noticeably agitated but dares not move from his spot for fear of breaking the spell.  
  
GILES: (almost through gritting teeth) Everything is set. She is completing the spell on her end. WILLOW: So all we do now is wait? GILES: Yes. We wait.  
  
There is a pause. Giles is noticeably self-conscious that the two of them are still in the room with him.  
  
WILLOW: Perhaps we should go? GILES: (under his breath) Yes perhaps that would be best.  
  
Tara in Willow's body tugs Buffy gently by the elbow and the two of them vacate the room quietly. Buffy can't resist one last stinger.  
  
GILES: And.. close the door behind you, please. BUFFY: (smiling as she closes the door) We'll just leave you two alone to catch up.  
  
Giles rolls his eyes.  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: A green field somewhere outside the Watcher's Council Headquarters Estate. Day. There is a wall. Someone's sitting on the wall but it's too far away for us to make out whom.  
  
Anya appears, teleporting into view with a cute light show. She seems daunted and her hair's a bit messed. As she appears she stumbles a bit yet remains standing. She looks around confused.  
  
ANYA: Woah. Shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque. (She stops and contemplates this) I watched too many cartoons with Dawn and Xander. They left my brain all squiggy.  
  
Anya spins around and faces the body sitting on the wall. She then looks about trying to determine where she is and if anyone else is around. In the distance there's a road and a large building, which is the Watcher's Council HQ in England but she doesn't appear to know that. Neither should the audience. Anya takes a few steps towards the only person she sees at the moment. As she does so we see that the person is Faith, but she appears to be sort of fading in and out, as if she's a ghost.  
  
ANYA: (moving closer) Do I know you?  
  
She takes a few more steps and as she does so she tries to compose herself. She begins speaking authoritatively and trying to put on airs as a confident vengeance demon. It's not very convincing.  
  
ANYA: Are you the one who summoned me here? I'm a very busy person. This better be good.  
  
We see a look of realization and just a twinge of fear flash across Anya's face.  
  
ANYA: Oh dear. I DO know you!  
  
Camera cuts to show a slow zoom to see Faith. We're looking up at her. She's sitting on the wall.. Well, lounging is more like it. It's Faith all right. She's got a disturbing smirk on her face.  
  
FAITH: Are you the king's horses or the king's men? ANYA: Excuse me? Faith, is that you? FAITH: Y'know. All the kings horses. All the king's men. It's a nursery rhyme.  
  
We now see a side view of Anya looking up at Faith. About ten feet of distance between them as the crow flies. Anya remains standing on the green field. Faith remains lounging on top of the wall. Faith continues fading in and out. More in than out but enough to show she's not really there.  
  
ANYA: Faith we never really had a chance to properly get aquainted. And it's been a long time. I'm Anyanka. I believe you once had sex with my ex- boyfriend? He used to talk about you occasionally. FAITH: Who was that? I get around a lot. ANYA: Xander? Uh, Alexander Harris? FAITH: Oh yeah! I remember him! I was his first. You always remember the virgins. ANYA: Well. I wouldn't know. FAITH: Shame. You should try a virgin some time. They're ..fun. ANYA: I believe you summoned me? FAITH: Did I? ANYA: I'm a vengeance demon. FAITH: Xander screws demons now? (she gets a good laugh out of that) Never knew the boy had it in him. Well good for him! ANYA: You keep changing the subject and it's a bit unsettling. FAITH: I don't remember summoning anything. ANYA: As I said. I'm a vengeance demon. I'm Anyanka. Patron saint of scorned women. FAITH: OH! Well scorned women. Can't get much more scorned than me. ANYA: What do you mean? FAITH: Well those guys in there? (she points to the large building in the distance) That's the headquarters for the Watcher's Council. ANYA: Really! FAITH: Yep. ANYA: Small world. FAITH: (honest. As if Anya just said something very poignant) Yeah, isn't it? A real small world. I mean here I am near death and in England and I happen to run into the ex-girlfriend of someone I once shagged back in the states. ANYA: Shagged? FAITH: When in Rome. I pick up lingo fast.  
  
ANYA nods. We notice the fading on Faith a bit more now.  
  
FAITH: Anyway, this guy named Warrick cast a spell on me. The bastard. He threw me completely out of my body. ANYA: You mean your soul? FAITH: Is that what this is? I can't even touch myself. (laughs) That sounds dirty. ANYA: To some, I suppose. FAITH: And now I'm just. ANYA: fading away? FAITH: I guess. Seems I'm too bad for heaven and not good enough for hell, huh? ANYA: So what is it you wish for? FAITH: Come again? ANYA: That's how this works, Faith. See, I'm summoned by women with a strong need for vengeance. Like yourself. I appear before them and grant them one wish. FAITH: Well then, I wish for an unlimited supply of wishes. ANYA: No no no we did away with that loophole a few centuries ago. FAITH: You didn't mention any fine print. ANYA: It's not fine print! The wish has to be about your vengeance, either to get you back to a state where you can do something to he who has wronged you, or you ask me to do it for you. What do you wish of me to do to this Warrick guy? FAITH: Oh I don't care about Warrick. He's a prick. He'll get what's coming to him. Y'know, your karma ran over my dogma that kinda thing. ANYA: Well, isn't there anything you wish for? Maybe your soul back in your body? FAITH: (laughs) Not where my body is now! I mean hell! My body's been through hell on Earth! ANYA: I sincerely doubt that. FAITH: For the past six months those guys have been treating me like a lab rat. ANYA: You don't say! FAITH: Poking and prodding me. Probing. Sticking crap up every orifice I got. Searching for weaknesses. All they did was make me stronger. Y'know they plan to kill me. ANYA: Haven't they already done that? FAITH: Oh no I don't think so. My body's still in there but Warrick's spell has it in some kind of suspended state of.. something. I never was really good at the magick technobabble. That was always Giles' gig. How is Giles by the way, you ever seen him? ANYA: Yes. He's good. FAITH: That's good. Y'know I always had a soft spot for that guy. What he needs is a good rough n tumble y'know what I'm saying? He's a little slow on the uptake but I bet he's a demon in the sack. ANYA: He's a good kisser. FAITH: (excited) You've kissed him!? (prepares to vault off the wall) What was that like!  
  
Faith jumps from the wall, intending to land on the ground, but gravity doesn't comply. She floats a couple feet over the ground. Anya's a bit taken aback. Faith's fading a bit more.  
  
FAITH: Woah! Shouldn't have done that. ANYA: Here. Take my hand.  
  
Anya offers it to Faith to grab. Faith tries but her hand goes through Anya's.  
  
FAITH: Don't think I can do that. ANYA: You're fading in and out because you're not concentrating on being corporeal. FAITH: How do I do that? ANYA: Just concentrate on my hand.  
  
Faith does. With effort we see a close up of her hand trying unsuccessfully to grab Anya's once or twice. Then she gets it. Camera cuts back to show Anya help Faith back down to the ground.  
  
ANYA: Maybe you shouldn't do any jumping right now. FAITH: So if I just concentrate I won't fade into nothing? ANYA: Well eventually you will anyway if we can't get you back into your body.  
  
Anya, still holding Faith's hand starts walking towards the building. Faith follows but she doesn't so much walk as glide.  
  
FAITH: Well then should I use my wish to not fade away? ANYA: That's not about the vengeance. That's about survival. Not exactly my territory. FAITH: Oh. Maybe I should use my wish to. Well no that wouldn't work. ANYA: Well try it. You have to word it right though. Otherwise I could get in trouble. FAITH: Well we wouldn't want that now would we? ANYA: You have to start the sentence with "I Wish" and then whatever you want to wish for. FAITH: Yeah yeah I just don't wanna waste it. You don't have any multiple wish plans at all? ANYA: Nope. FAITH: Man that really bites. One wish. ANYA: And it has to be on the vengeancy thing. This immediate vengeancy thing. No fair using it on past vengeances. Like Buffy for example. FAITH: Oh I'm not mad at her anymore. Feel sorry for her. That's about it. ANYA: Why do you feel sorry for her? FAITH: She's got it all and doesn't appreciate it. She dwells on the serious bad stuff and never enjoys herself. She's got a cork up her ass.  
  
They both laugh. They're really bonding. They sincerely seem to dig each other.  
  
ANYA: She does at that. That's for sure. But we're getting off topic and you're running out of time. FAITH: I wanna ruin their plans somehow. ANYA: Whose plans? FAITH: The Watcher's Council. They're who I want revenge on. The last six months have been brutal, then before that - I mean they're the reason I'm no longer in jail - and I LIKED it in there! I have everything under control and they ruined it for me. See, they plan to kill me and bring me back to life as their Slayer slave. Doing their bidding y'know. Then they're gonna go find the next Slayer that shows up after me and kill her briefly too. Then they're gonna whup up a whole army of Slayers. ANYA: They can do that? FAITH: Yeah! I heard them talking. They're using me as a guinea pig. Making sure I can come back from the dead. Y'know, like the first time Buffy died?  
  
ANYA: Xander said all he did was use CPR on Buffy and she came back. It's not that difficult. FAITH: Yeah but this is the Watcher's Council we're talking about. They're idiots. They make everything difficult. ANYA: So you wanna ruin their plans to make an army of Slayers? FAITH: Well. but I still like the idea of having some sisters to pal around with y'know? Fellow Slayer Chicks to take on the vampire world with? That'd be a blast! ANYA: But if your soul ceases to exist there's no chance you'd be able to enjoy it. FAITH: Yeah this is tough. I never was good at the strategy thing. I just like goin in and kicking ass. ANYA: I've noticed that about you. Well let's see. This Warrick guy has cast a spell on your body, but your soul doesn't seem affected by it. FAITH: Well except I'm out here and my body's in there. ANYA: So you want your body and your soul together but not under the control of Warrick or the Watcher's Council so their plans are ruined, and you want to be dead and then alive again so the next Slayer will be called. Is that right? FAITH: Right. But wait there's ands in there. Can I use ands? ANYA: Sure. FAITH: Isn't that like multiple wishes? ANYA: (confiding ancient Chinese secret) It's a loophole. Shh. Don't tell anyone. FAITH: Okay. Here goes. I wish to have my body and soul back together and under my control no longer under the control of Warrick or the Watcher's Council ever again cuz they suck AND I want to be dead briefly and back to life again so that the next Slayer is called- ANYA: D- FAITH: (realization) AND I want to control who the next Slayer's gonna be- ANYA: (impressed and a little surprised) Woah! FAITH: --cuz that'll further ruin any chance of them getting their plans back on track- ANYA: (to herself) Can I do that? FAITH: --AND I want a lifetime supply of chocolate cheesecake you know the kind with real good tasting cherry sauce stuff poured over it so sweet so whenever I want a chocolate cheesecake it just magically appears before me on a plate and fork cuz I just love chocolate cheesecake. ANYA: (pointedly. Negotiating) No chocolate cheesecake. FAITH: (disappointed) Oh okay. ANYA: but to all the rest of it? FAITH: Yeah?  
  
Close up of Anyanka, who's proud of herself for having made such a friend of Faith. All smiles. Her face turns from normal human Anya to demony Anya.  
  
ANYA: DONE!  
  
Her face glows white and the white glow overtakes the screen until it's all white. Then fade to black.  
  
END SCENE. COMMERCIAL BREAK.  
  
ACT IV Scene: Buffy's house. Living room. Near dusk.  
  
Buffy and Tara-In-Willow's-Body are sitting at the couch talking. Dawn is leaning against the doorframe between the living room and the foyer listening in on their conversation and participating distantly. We're apparently joining the conversation after it's already started.  
  
BUFFY: I honestly don't know. Is the First Slayer still in me? Has she gone away? Will she come back? WILLOW: You really should talk to Giles. BUFFY: In all the hubbub I haven't been able to talk to him about it. WILLOW: (still as Tara) Well if it concerns you so you really should talk to him. BUFFY: Yeah but first you had your problem this morning then he was yelling at someone over in England then Spike blew up and ran off then we had to figure out how to work up the spell that the Old Crone talked about and get all that stuff together then Giles got all naked in front of us and he did the spell. DAWN: Is that what he's doing now? BUFFY: Yeah he's been up there awhile. DAWN: And she's not an Old Crone. BUFFY: What? DAWN: You saw her. We met her. She's not old. I thought she was nice. BUFFY: Oh yeah she's nice I just like calling her an old crone. WILLOW: It's not very respectful. She's like one of the biggest witches in the world. DAWN: (thinking she's making a realization) You're jealous, Buffy! BUFFY: Am not! DAWN: Giles has got the hots for her and you're jealous. BUFFY: Oh puh-leeze! Me and Giles? He's like SO old. I just think it's cute. I like teasing him about it. It's funny. WILLOW: (cautious but matter of factly) It's mean. BUFFY: (proudly. Smiling.) Isn't it though? I mean after all these years him making my muscles ache and telling me to go out there and bust little demony heads and finally I get something to poke him back a bit with. I mean there was that time when he was with my mother (shudders) but I couldn't make fun of that much cuz that was like so gross. DAWN: Giles was with Mom? BUFFY: (to Tara) Think she's old enough to hear this one? WILLOW: (nods. Smiling.) Oh sure she can handle it. BUFFY: (to Dawn) Remember back when the school candy made all the adults in Sunnydale act all weird and stuff? DAWN: Yeah my homeroom teacher started telling fart jokes in class it was really funny. BUFFY: Yeah well that was when. Mom and Giles started acting like they were at Woodstock and went all gooey eyed for each other. DAWN: You're kidding! How come I never knew? BUFFY: I think you were in school that whole time. DAWN: Yeah but all the teachers walked. I'm trying to remember what happened next. WILLOW: Well technically you weren't there.  
  
They both look at her.  
  
WILLOW: (not realizing what she's saying) Well that was before Glory showed up so Dawn wasn't really with us yet we just remember cuz ..of the. magic spell that brought her into our lives? Oh gee Dawnie I'm sorry I said too much. DAWN: (trying to be adult about it) No. It's cool. I can hang. I mean. I can handle it. WILLOW: I'll shut up. DAWN: No really.. Spike said it's cool. BUFFY: Spike? DAWN: Yeah it's something he said earlier today and I've really been thinking it over a lot since he left, y'know? I mean. Maybe I'm energy but I still matter. I mean my science teacher in school says we're all energy, y'know? That we all started billions of years ago as energy in stars and we collated into solid matter over eons. WILLOW: "Coalesced" DAWN: Huh? WILLOW: We didn't collate. We coalesced into solid matter. The subatomic particles fused together into molecules and. I'm sounding brainiacy aren't I? BUFFY: Yeah. A little. DAWN: (smiling) You're sounding like Willow. WILLOW: I'm always amazed at her brilliance. How'd she get so smart? BUFFY: I wanna know how Spike got so smart. DAWN: Oh it was my science teacher that said all the start stuff. Spike just told me that matter or energy I still matter. To him. To you. WILLOW: Yeah how did he get so smart?  
  
Front door swings open. It's Xander. Fresh from work. Looks it too. Probably smells it.  
  
XANDER: (still using his outdoor voice) Hey everybody! I'm here! Any meanie baddies tonight or are we up for a night of videos!? DAWN: Xander! (she rushes over and gives him a big hug) Eww! Smelly! XANDER: (returns the hug) I rushed right over from work. Wanted to get outta there. Should I have changed first? I got spare clothes in the car. DAWN: (pulls back. She's enjoying this a bit) No I kinda like it. It's musky. XANDER: (Seemingly oblivious to Dawn practically drooling on him) Really? Did I get a little sexy X-Man musk on ya?  
  
Xander pokes Dawn's nose playfully with a finger. A bit like a kid would do to a clown. Dawn's mildly dazzled by his charm. Xander turns his attention to Willow. Crosses over to her. Both Buffy & Tara-In-Willow's-Body stand up at his approach. He gives W/T a big hug and W/T responds awkwardly.  
  
XANDER: Will! Great to see you up and about, kiddo. You had me worried. BUFFY: (half playfully) Continue to be worried. XANDER: (pulls back and looks Willow up and down) You feeling alright? Anything I can do? WILLOW: He doesn't know? BUFFY: (shrugs) He's been at work all day. XANDER: Know what? If there's a problem you could've called. DAWN: I don't think it's something to be worried about is it? WILLOW: We don't know. XANDER: Well not knowing is like, half the battle or something like that. DAWN: Words to that effect? XANDER: Yeah. BUFFY: Giles is still upstairs with the Crone figuring it out now XANDER: The crone is here? BUFFY: In the mirror. XANDER: (a bit frustrated but not angry) Y'know that's why I rush here from work every day instead of going straight home and taking a shower. I can't wait to have my brains just bleed out of my ears with the not knowing. WILLOW: Maybe you should sit down.  
  
Willow motions for Xander to sit on the couch with her. She's curiously close to him and strangely intimate for Tara.  
  
WILLOW: In fact, maybe we shouldn't tell him for a minute? BUFFY: What do you mean, T-  
  
W/T motions to Buffy to shush. Buffy does. W/T smiles at her. Dawn & Buffy 'get it.' They smirk and play along. Dawn stifles a giggle. Xander is characteristically totally clueless. Looking back and forth between W/T and Buffy & Dawn, like an excited puppy. He has no reason to think anything's wrong.  
  
XANDER: Tell me what? WILLOW: You're right, Dawnie. He is all musty. BUFFY: Oh boy. XANDER: Musty's good, yes? WILLOW: (seductively) Oh, yes. XANDER: Woah wait back up a parsec. Will. We're friends. I mean we're close. WILLOW: We're really close now, aren't we?  
  
Buffy & Dawn start giggling.  
  
XANDER: This some kind of initiation? Some kinda -Oh wait! I get it! You bet them (referring to Buff & Dawn) that you could get me to kiss you. That it? BUFFY: (stifling a laugh) something like that. WILLOW: Actually I'm just testing a theory. I never knew this before but Willow's always. I mean I've always been attracted to you. XANDER: Woah. This is like Twilight Zone weird, Will you just talked about yourself in the third person. WILLOW: (getting her mouth closer to his) Slip of the tongue.  
  
She goes for it. Tries to kiss him on the mouth. Xander pulls away and leaves the couch, almost accidently tackle checking into Buffy & Dawn as he does so. Noticeably shocked and on edge, he turns around and faces all three of them. All three of them are laughing playfully.  
  
XANDER: Now wait this is not funny. Will! You've been through a lot and this is not a time to make rash decisions. You mean a whole hell of a lot to me but maybe we should save these kindsa games for much later. DAWN: How about Spin The Bottle? BUFFY: I think we got an empty bottle in the kitchen somewhere. XANDER: Woah! No! This is not funny. DAWN: I think you should go get the bottle, Buff. BUFFY: I'm not leaving these two alone in the same room. WILLOW: (stands up) This really is a strange thrill. I never knew this about her before. You'd think I'd be upset but. BUFFY: You understand? WILLOW: (nods) On a level I never could have accepted when I was alive. XANDER: (to Willow) Alive?? (to Buffy) Understand?? (to Dawnie, as he takes another step back away from them) Spin the Bottle? Now I'm just going on mental overload here and you guys are having fun with me somehow. BUFFY: Xander calm down. XANDER: I'm on the verge of rushing out to my truck and driving home and pretending this never happened! WILLOW: Sorry, Xander. I couldn't resist. I just had to know. XANDER: Know what? WILLOW: What Willow must have always felt like when she was around you. It's sweet. It's ..feral! It's exciting! XANDER: (to Dawnie, who's the closest to him) She's doing that third person thing again make her stop. BUFFY: Should we tell him? WILLOW: (laughs) If we tell him now then he really will bolt for the truck.  
  
DAWN: I'll hold him down.  
  
Dawn makes to tackle him but it turns into more of a playful hug. Buffy crosses to between Xander and the front door but gives both equal space.  
  
BUFFY: I'll guard the door. (to Xander) You ain't getting' outta this house mister. XANDER: Did I just walk into House of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers? WILLOW: (all seriousness) Xander. I'm still Tara. XANDER: Huh? DAWN: Last night? When Tara entered Willow's body? XANDER: (dawn of realization) Is THAT what happened? Everything kinda went so fast. BUFFY: This morning after you left for work, Willow woke up but Tara was still in her. XANDER: Okay. So how does that make me not wanna bolt? WILLOW: (keeping safe distance) Xander. Look at me.  
  
Xander looks. Buffy & Dawn stand there noticing that Willow's suddenly gotten really serious.  
  
WILLOW: Maybe you two could leave us alone for a minute? BUFFY: Promise not to bolt, Mister Harris? XANDER: That depends on whether or not Tara stays on THAT side of the coffee table. WILLOW: (smiling) I promise. DAWN: I'll be right back with a bottle!  
  
She giggles. Buffy puts her arm around her sister. They leave the two of them alone. Willow's strangely serious now.  
  
WILLOW: Xander. XANDER: (nods suspiciously) Tara.  
  
Beat.  
  
WILLOW: Willow's always loved you. XANDER: Oh no. We are NOT having this conversation. WILLOW: Xander please I don't know how much time I have left. XANDER: Look I just got out of a relationship with Anya. You're dead. Willow's brain is all swiss cheese. WILLOW: I want the time I have left to mean something!  
  
Beat.  
  
XANDER: I'm listening. WILLOW: Inside her skin, when you walked in the door and I smelled you. Felt you. Heard you. XANDER: Oboy. WILLOW: I never felt this way when I was alive but inside Willow's body, with her hormonal balance and her nervous system. I can tell. You're deep inside her. XANDER: (freaking but staying solid) Well Tara you were always Intuitive Girl. With a cape. WILLOW: You two have known one another all your lives. XANDER: Yeah but she's gay now. WILLOW: She loves people. Individuals. She didn't love me just because I'm a woman any more than she loved Oz just because he was a man. It's a chemical thing. It's a spiritual thing. It's an emotional thing. Heck it's a bunch of things that no one alive or dead has ever figured out yet.  
  
She takes a move around the coffee table. Xander doesn't move but one gets the feeling that every fiber of his being is telling him to bolt.  
  
XANDER: Y'know this would be a moment where Oz would usually say, "I gotta bail." WILLOW: But you're not Oz. XANDER: No. I'm Xander. Willow's friend. And I'd never knowingly do anything that would cause her pain. I think me kissing you in her body might qualify as pain if she ever found out. WILLOW: I'm not gonna kiss you. XANDER: (he lets his guard down a little) Well that's a relief. WILLOW: You never did get together when she and I were together? XANDER: Oh no! Never! We put that behind us. Oz caught us kissing once when both she and I thought Spike was gonna kill us but that was it! That was the LAST time. We're friends now. I'm cool with that. She's cool with that.  
  
W/T starts moving in closer to Xander slowly over this next exchange, until they're facing one another softly.  
  
WILLOW: Is she? Her body's telling me she's not. XANDER: Well. I don't speak body. WILLOW: You're telling me her body does nothing for you? XANDER: On some.. feral is that what you called it? WILLOW: In an animal instinct way. XANDER: Well gee, Tara. Brittany Spears does it for me in an animal way. WILLOW: You know what I mean, Xander. XANDER: Next time Will comes around maybe I'll ask her for you. WILLOW: That's all I ask. XANDER: (confused) What? WILLOW: Leave a little space for the possibility. Give it time. I want her to be happy, and.. (Willow looks herself up and down) believe me on a feral, very basic way, you've always made her happy Xander. If you really mean what you said. If you really mean you're her friend and you'd never hurt her, I'm just saying that when I'm gone for good I would be very okay with you and her being.. you know.. together. XANDER: Are you sure you're Tara cuz you haven't stuttered once. WILLOW: Just think about it?  
  
Beat. Xander puts his hands on W/T's shoulders.  
  
XANDER: Okay. I'll- [subtext: "think about it"]  
  
GILES: (off camera) Eureka! We've got it!  
  
Giles rushes down the stairs. He's wearing pants and his shirt is on loosely but unbuttoned and we still see the red stuff on his chest. He looks sweaty and worn out yet strangely rejuvenated, like he just had a good shag through a mirror with an old crone.  
  
GILES: We know where Willow's soul is! WILLOW: Where? XANDER: Who's this we?  
  
Giles meets them in the foyer and joyously puts his hands on their shoulders. Just as Giles is about to explain, we hear Buffy screaming from the kitchen. All three react. Then rush to investigate.  
  
END SCENE  
  
Scene: Buffy's kitchen. Buffy's on the floor screaming. Dawn is kneeling at her side, trying to comfort her but she doesn't know what to do. Giles, W/T & Xander rush in from the hall. Buffy continues screaming through this exchange and the others talk over her. She starts going into convulsions and bangs her head once or twice on the floor. Her eyes are rolled back in her head.  
  
GILES: What is it? What's wrong! DAWN: I don't know! We were in here trying to eavesdrop on Xander & Tara and suddenly she fell to the ground screaming!  
  
Xander instinctively rushes to behind Buffy's head and he kneels down so that he can rest her head on his legs because she's going into convulsions.  
  
XANDER: Is it some magic spell? GILES: I don't believe so. Did she mention pain? DAWN: No! Nothing! WILLOW: What can we do? GILES: Tara! Hold down her legs. Dawn. Help her.  
  
All four of them take strategic positions trying to hold her down. It does take all four of them to secure her. She's writhing and a couple times it looks like she almost throws one of them away from her but they keep at it and don't let go. Her screams almost take shape, but it's only the vowels "a" and "e" that can be made out.  
  
XANDER: Oh my God! Her eyes are rolled back in her head! GILES: Tara, do you sense anything? Can you sense magic or some spiritual apparition? XANDER: Maybe the Primeval!? The First Slayer? GILES: That's very possible. WILLOW: N-n-n-n-no. Nothing. I sense nothing. GILES: But could you!? In Willow's body? WILLOW: This isn't just Buffy..! Someone else is inside her! GILES: The First Slayer? WILLOW: I don't know! DAWN: (noticeably crying) She's trying to say something but.. is she in pain!? GILES: Xander! Hold her head up! XANDER: Buffy you gotta calm down baby. Try to hold on! WILLOW: Hecate help us! XANDER: Oh that's all we need more demigods! WILLOW: Sorry! GILES: Buffy! Tell us! What's hurting you! We're here to help. XANDER: Hang on, baby! DAWN: B-B-Buffy!?  
  
Camera closes in on Buffy's face. They've managed to calm her down enough to keep her still but she's still fighting something. Her eyes are still rolled back in her head. Then for the first time the primal scream takes it's full word. One word.  
  
BUFFY: FAITH!!!  
  
We see her eyes no longer roll back in her head. They look straight into the camera. Her next line is just barely recognizable, as the full sentence is one long primal scream.  
  
BUFFY: FAITH I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!  
  
Buffy screams. Buffy screams. Buffy screams and as the screen goes black her scream echoes for several seconds.  
  
FAST BLACK. END CREDITS. 


End file.
